starwars owned by lucasfilm, george lucas, etc, Ranma owned by shogakukan, rumiko takahashi. both used without permission for non-commercial purposes only by Suzaku A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY... RANMA WARS Episode IV A NEW HOPE It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the BLACK ROSE, an armored space startion with enough power to drive insane an entire planet. Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Akane races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore sanity to the galaxy.... Amid the vastness of space, a planet with two moons. A desert world with vast mountan ranges and yet, a healthy, life-supporting atmosphere: Tatooine. At some places, the desert is pierced with 5 to 10 meter spikes, that seemed to erupt from within the sandy surface. Yet, better inspection show the spikes to be quite irregular in shape. Yet if a distinctive common feature were to be found in any of them, that would be their use: Moisture harvesting spikes, that gather the moisture from the earth and air, to turn it into water, which, in Tatooine, was more valuable than anything else. Beside one of such spikes, stands a character with binoculars. The character seems to watch something going in the outer atmosphere of Tatooine. A closer look at the character shows him to be a male with a pig-tailed black hair, chinese clothes, and a worried look... . . . The Corellian Corvette "Antares IV" flew like the hounds of hell were after her, and that would have been a vast understatement, for the 1,6 km of bristling weaponry that followed the name of Imperial Star Destroyer, was more like hell itself, and then some... ...The Star Destroyer gunned the vastly smaller ship with its 60 heavy turbo lasers, managing to rupture the deflector shields, and destroy the tho main gun turrets. Then the Star Destroyer fired its 60 heavy ion cannons, and Antares IV was disabled.... . . . As the tractor beams locked themselves into the corvette, the gravdecks on the ship proved to be more a discomfort than a valuable asset. For, as the law of gravity is applied, a sudden stop has a tendency of causing a lot of grief within the object that has moved fast in any direction whatsoever. Nabiki crashed into Kasumi, as the ship came to a standstill, then, as various crewmembers collided with them, she dragged her sister into one of the various corridors of the ship. "Oh, my!" replied the confused Kasumi, as the whining in the ship stopped. "Did you hear that, sis? They shut dow the main reactor, we're damned this time, for sure!" cried the frightened Nabiki. She didn't fear many things, but Imperial Custody was one of them. "Where is Akane-chan?" asked the now more calm Kasumi, "I don't know, Kasumi Onee-Sama." replied Nabiki, as she tried to get a grip on her nerves. As they talked, several rebel soldiers readied their blasters and aimed them at the docking door. Antares IV was eaten by the Star Destroyer's vast main docking bay... They watched the door, that ferro-aluminium door, that would resist even the imperial E-Web repeating heavy blaster's shots. They were all nervous, and knew that they were already dead. And it was the anticipation of the unavoidable, the send chill through their spines. "Ano bakatachi!" yelled Akane Tendo, Imperial Chancelor, and current holder of the Black Rose Plans. "I won't give the plans to that stupid Kuno!". A sweatdrop emerged in everyone's head. Then, Akane run into the corridor that held her sisters, and the Rebel Sodiers readied themselves again. The door began to emit heat, and its corners were burned open. Then a loud blast sent the door flying toward them, and a smoke grenade exploded from the outside. Smoke filled the interior of the corvette, and the ventilation managed to bar it from coming above knee level. Then they came, the White Samurai, Imperial Stormtroopers, clad in white ferroplate armor, and carrying heavy blaster rifles. "Ute!" yelled Captain Kuonji, former Okonomiyaki chef, and currently the last line of defence against these Kuno-bastards. Then both forces fired upon each others, and the rebels were quickly overwhelmed. "Commander, Tear this ship apart! Until you have those plans! I want you to bring me my beloved Akane unharmed, or you shall face the Blue thunder of Coruscant!" yelled a firm and quite deluded voice, that belonged to the black armored warlord Tatewaki Kuno. The Stormtroopers continued their onslaught into the ship's interior. Within the corridor that led to the escape pods, were the three Tendo sisters. Kasumi was dressed in a golden gown that was better suited for a date than for runnig away. Her high-heeled shoes and petal-thin stockings only made things worse. Nabiki, on the other hand, was dressed in white jeans, high-heeled & knee-high silvery boots & a silver'n'white smock jacket. Needless to say, both had been taken from a diplomatic evening in Coruscant by their sister Akane. And speaking of Akane, she wore a white evening gown that was more a toga or greek robes than a dress. She was also the only one that lacked high heels, for she wore sandals. There was an explosion that rocked the entire ship, and Kasumi fell out of the corridor, only to see that the battle still raged against Kuno. When she turned back toward the corridor, she saw Akane give the Black Rose Plans to Nabiki, and then grab a blaster from a weaponrack in the wall. Just as she was about to join her sisters, there was another explosion, and sadly, Akane fell behind a falling roofpiece. "Akane!" screamed the now near-hysterical Nabiki "Akane!". Nabiki cried and Kasumi hugged her little sister soothing her "She will be all-right, Akane is after all, the strongest of us." Meanwhile Kuno's White Samurai had subdued the rebels in the ship, and Kuno himself interrogated the Captain: "The plans for my sister's toy are not in your main computer! Where are those transmissions you intercepted? What have you done with my beloved Akane!" Kuno held his bokken at Captain Kuonji's Throat while the Captain replied: "We intercepted no transmissions, and even if we had, its absolutely none of your damn business, punk!" At this point, Kuno was angered. So, he trashed the captain with his Bokken, and sent him flying out of the blasted-in airlock, and well into his own Star Destroyer "Musashi". . . . Meanwhile, Nabiki & Kasumi entered one of the two remaining escape pods. "Nabiki, do you really know how this space-boat works? I know that you are more familiar with cars and motorcycles than I, but I don't think I have ever seen anything like this Escape Boat" said the quite worried Kasumi. "All right, this is an Escape POD, Aneue. Not a boat, boats are for the sea, Pods for space, gottit, ne?" muttered Nabiki, while closing the door behind them, and sealing the pod. "Imto-dear, I still think we should wait for Akane. She hardly knows how to use a bicycle...". Kasumi never got her phrase any futher, for Nabiki pressed the Engage butto. And then the pod ejected from the ship, and flew well out of the Musashi's grip. A weapon officer announced to his superrior "There goes another one, shall we let this one pass also?" He really had a worried face, since usually he was ordered to shoot all pods down. Well, this was the New Order, so, Kuno makes the rules, not me. . . . Akane fired at the White Samurai. She aimed at their weapons, for she would not start killing anybody for some stupid baka thing like Kuno... Then the troopers set their weapons for stun, and Akane Tendo went Good-night. When she woke up, she was within a Japanese room with Kuno. She was lying on the futon, while he just stood there and smiled his baka smile. "My heavenly flower, not only have I rescued you from that evil Saotome. But now I have made an Empire for our common love." He proudly proclaimed, and Akane just smashed him with her mallet. "Baka." and then she went out of the room and kicked the two guards between their legs and strolled towards the flight deck. . . . They had crashed into a desert, and then they had seen this huge vehicle that was inhabited by hooded gnomes with glowing eyes. Kasumi was totally loosing it, so she just smiled as usual, and prayed that she would get home soon. Nabiki, on the other hand, was selling their pod to these Jawas, as far as she could manage to understant their garbled version of english, for a trip to the next civilized place in this dustball. She was perhaps not the best english speaking person in Japan, but at least she knew how to speak it so that non-japanese people understood her. Kasumi, on the other hand, spoke English like any other nice Japanese lady. "Kano uee getto t de naisu puraisu suun, pureti puliisu, ne?". That didn't annoy the Jawas, for it was common to find people who weren't fluent in galactic common. But unfortunately they were as bad in speaking it as these human female. The other spoke it quite well, so they agreed to take them to the nearest moisture farm in exchange for their escape pod. . . . "Oh, my" said Kasumi, when she found out the place they would share for the trip to the nice and civilized place she was keen to see soon. It was a junkyard with wheels -thought Nabiki, and it reeked oil and garbage, yak! . . . "Saotome! bring widdle robot for widdle Azusa, or Azusa very mad!" -cried out a very sweer ber-kawaii voice from the farm's habitational bubble. Ranma & Mikado were having a bad time in this sandpit of a world, but now they had to buy some 'roids to make the damn watergathering work a bit better. Well, if she wants a 'roid, she'll get one, a cheap one, that is -Ranma thought. Mikado Sanzenin watched the wretched creatures bring out their fares, and then forgot all about them, for he saw two girls that definitely had not gotten his formal greeting. So, he lunged for them, smiling and combing his sandy hair with his last working comb. Nabiki looked at "Civilization", and cursed the Jawas to the bottom of a sandpit. Kasumi saw Ranma and weaved her hand in the air shouting "Ranma-kun! We're here!" Mikado was nearing the two lovely, albeit sand-covered, girls. Ranma saw Kasumi & Nabiki -So, they too had ended in this sand-hell called Tatooine. Well, at least there weren't any rain to make me change -He thought silently, as the younger Tend punched Mikado in his face "Bang!". Nabiki was totally pissed off now: Article One - The Jawas had brought them inside a roving junkyard, without anykind of accomodations for human beings. Article two - This was what they had called "Civilization": A pit in the sand! Article three - Sanzenin Mikado was here, and trying to molest them... "Sanzenin-kun!" She said "Next time I'll kick you where it hurts, got that?!" and then Tend Nabiki smiled evilly. . . . Coruscant, the center of the Galaxy... Within the great halls of the Imperial Palace walked a lone figure clad in a dark robe, a black sun pendant hanging from his neck: Prince Xizor had returned from the mines of Kessel only to find out that Palpatine had been overthrown (or replaced as the guards had admitted) by a woman named Kodachi! It had been a weird day, the guards had said. First some blue light came from nowhere, then the Emperor, Vader, Tarkin, and Fett had disappeared from the audience chamber, only to be replaced by these Kodachi, Tatewaki, Kuno, and Xiang Pu. Xizor did know that Jabba had been similarily replaced by an old hag known as Cologne, but secretly hoped that these changes had ended there. Yet, he hoped to charm a cluster or two from this new Empress of the New Order! . . . Kodachi was laughing evilly in her throne, clad only in her leotard, as Xizor arrived. "Your Imperial Majesty, I am Price Xizor of Mandalor, at your service!" -Another "prince", huh... thought Kodachi, as she watched this boring man, that was not handsome in a way she liked. Well he was handsome, but she wanted Ranma and no-one else could take his place. If only her stupid brother would find him before loosing his mind while seeking Akane Tendo and the Pig-tailed Girl. "Thrawn, dispose him!" ordered Kodachi, and then Grand admiral Thrawn came from behind one of the curtains and ordered his Noghri bodyguard "Rukh, seize him" Then Xizor paled... . . . The Maw Installation... "Incoming craft bearing marks of unknown design. Sending the right code, do we admit entrance Admiral?" asked the comm-officer. Admiral Daala looked at the patrol vessel that approached her station "Yes, if anything, we will find a break to this boring routine!" she announced vigorously as her staff eyed her fearfully. The ship had docked and insted of Boba Fett, out came Shampoo, smiling and saying "Nihao! Shampoo come take Daala back to coruss, corsk, Imperial Center!" Daala's eyes became slits as she glared the chinese amazon. Shampoo then gave Daala a dosier saying "Here authority!" Daala read the dosier, and smiled thinking -At last a woman in the throne, this must be my lucky day. No-more shovinistic men looking her down because of her gender, beware! So MY Empress is called Kodachi, and she has replaced Vader with her brother Tatewaki, as well as Tarkin with her father Kuno, interesting. And it seem that Boba Fett lost his ship to this Xiang Pu? Daala yelled furiously "All female personnel to my Star Destroyers, all males to the Installation. we are leaving this pile of junk right now!". then she took Shampoo's hands in hers and said softly "You are the light of my life, and from now on I would like to hear all news from you, since it would seem that you bring me news that are not only good, but wonderfull" at this Shampoo looked as if she did not understand everything quite correctly, so she replied "Daala like girls, yes, Shampoo not like girls but airen who is girl and is boy. Daala must find other girl the be airen, Shampoo ask Kodachi if she is like girl-girl- girl, yes?" Daala seemed a bit worried but nodded as she guided Shampoo to her Lambda-Class Shuttle that would take them into her Star Destroyer "Midnight". . . . Oh, yeah. Here is the SW-RANMA convserion list: luke-ranma Ranma Saotome, Jedi Knight leia-akane Akane Tendo, Princess of Alderaan han-ryoga Ryoga Hibiki, Smuggler chewie-genma Genma Saotome, Smuggler r2-nabiki Nabiki Tendo, Astronomer & Merchant c3-kasumi Kasumi Tendo, Chef & Diplomat vader-kuno Tatewaki Kuno, Dark Lord of Sith ben-nodoka Nodoka Saotome, Jedi Mistress biggs-soun Soun Tendo, Rebel Pilot wedge-ukyo Ukyo Kuonji, Rebel Pilot tarkin-principal Principal Kuno, Grand Moff fett-shampoo Xian Pu, Bounty Huntress jabba-cologne Quo Lo Nye, Crime Lady palpatine-kodachi Kodachi Kuno, Empress owen-azusa Azusa Shiratori, Moisture Farmer beru-mikado Mikado Sanzenin, Moisture Farmer yoda-happosai Happosai, Jedi Master lando-mousse Mou Tzu, Enterpreneur mothma-tsubasa Tsubasa Kurenai, Rebel Leader Written by: Suzaku (aka. Iikka Janaert aka. Irhkhaan Dharneth) _____________ / \ I I I \_/ I I -|- I I /-\ I I I I SUZAKU-SAMA I I I \_____________/